1. |
Snake Oil Seller
02:39
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The vitality of an organism depends upon the weariness of the cell
And you know the being’s tendencies invariably well
A rational argument considers ways in which lifeforms can evolve
A snake oil seller’s to sell
A snake oil seller who knows you so well
A snake oil seller’s to sell
They’re turning the need to provide into a competition
They’ve backed up the banks but letting small businesses die
The cost of living’s rising but the salaries are negotiated down
A snake oil seller’s to sell
A snake oil seller who knows you so well
A snake oil seller’s to sell
Exaggerate your position
And no you don’t need to hypnotise
Because a gradual illusion is more effective in everybody’s minds
A snake oil seller’s to sell
A snake oil seller who knows you so well
A snake oil seller’s to sell
Let’s see you walk backwards
and throw your hands up in the air
Dig deep into your pockets
and leave it all there –
in those collection buckets
This thing was once financed
but now you’re gonna have to pay
The volunteers giveth
and the government taketh away
society giveth
and the government taketh away
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2. |
Governmental
02:11
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Now I’ll agree, if you agree that we agree that the world’s messed up
Brutality, hypocrisy, the apathy of you and me is wrong
Now I think that the UK ‘aint quite ok
Past and present governments have done things their own way
They just don’t listen to anything we say
They’re just fucking it up
It seems to me the world and we would get along just fine if we all just used common sense
Our need for greed just won’t succeed if we all just consume ‘til we explode
Question your government we have to learn the truth
Complicit in torture, rendition and tax abuse
They interview like puppets on strings; I just don’t know if anything they say is true
David Cameron’s face is made of plastic
Please don’t hold that against him
It really shouldn’t matter all that much
It’s his patter that should matter
Which just makes it so much sadder
That he spouts an awful lot of crap
We must remain positive
In this world in which we live
And try and make a difference step by step
I know it is quite difficult
In our current predicament
When everyone is broke
So let’s get drunk, and talk about our cats
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3. |
Morley
03:30
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Morley – bargains galore!
The fruit and veg stall sells enormous garlic
And if you pay 20 quid or more
In Bargain Madness you can get a Bargain Madness tea-mug
Out of date chili and lemon crisps (25 for a pound)
Twenty cupcakes for a pound
Sierra Nevada ale for 69p
Sierra Nevada that is 6.8%
Morley – you’re good to me
Morley – you know how to make me feel okay
Morley – your bargains fulfill me
Morley – I like to shop the Morley way
Morley – you ain’t half bad
though you had a few votes for the BNP
But Morley – there’s bargains to be had!
The biggest Home and Bargain in West Yorkshire
An Albania flag for only a pound – Mirëdita!
6 duck eggs for £1.20
Out-of-date Easter eggs to be found
A quid’s worth of chewing gum there lasted me for about 3 and-a-half years.
Morley – you’re good to me
Morley – you know how to make me feel okay
Morley – your bargains fulfill me
Morley – I like to shop the Morley way, and
Morley – you treat me oh so kind
Morley – your bargains they keep me refined
Morley – your indoor market is so good
Morley – It makes me think, think that I could… move to Morley…
But there’s one thing that’s not so good about Morley
It’s the racist fascist BNP
The BNP are a total joke, they don’t know what they’re saying and
They’re basically deluded self-important and they’re ignorant
Fuck off out of Morley town - I hate the BNP
Fuck off out of Morley town – stay the fuck away from me
They don’t deserve the bargains, not worth of the savings
They’re white and they’re inaccurate and I’m sick of their ravings
I hate the BNP
You all hate the BNP
We all hate the BNP
Fuck off to the BNP
Fuck off out of Morley
I hate the BNP
The BNP are a joke and they can -
fuck off out of Morley.
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4. |
Real Ale Twat
03:16
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I’m a real ale twat
Now what’s wrong with that?
I love nothing better than drinking a half pint of real ale
I’m a real ale twat
And I wear flat caps
I’m a real ale twat and I like to talk about cats
I’m a real ale twat (he’s a real ale twat)
And I’m pretty fat (he eats too much cheese)
I’m hairy and sweaty so please don’t stand too close (or you might faint)
I’m a real ale twat (oh yes he is)
Who thinks beer is all that
I’m a member of CAMRA & don’t like drinking shit lager
So I go to as many beer festivals as I can
I go watch light opera from Gilbert & Sullivan (he is the very model of a modern major general)
I brew & make my own beer
I’m a geo-environmental and geotechnical engineer
I’m a real ale twat
Now tell me, what’s wrong with that?
He’s a real ale twat (I’m a real ale twat)
He thinks beer’s all that (it’s not that bad)
I love malted barley, and hop, and brewery tours!
He’s a real ale twat (so what if I am?)
With one shit flat cap (it cost me £5!)
I’ve got a geologists beard and I’ll bore when I talk about rocks
So I go to as many beer festivals as I can
I go watch light opera from Gilbert & Sullivan
three little maids from school are we, filled to the brim with girlish glee
I brew & make my own beer
I’m a geotechnical and geo-environmental engineer
I’m a real ale twat
Now tell me, what’s wrong with that?
I LOVE MINKY!
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5. |
Lying Hands
01:10
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What cannot be seen is not unclean
Transfixed on a mode an apology –
I’m gonna wash my hands of you!
Explaining away those nagging little facts
Ignoring the wider good of the pack -
I’m gonna wash my hands of you!
The little people are treat with reproof
An overt need not to recognise
a situation to improve,
A terrible habit sanctified
has come over you
You’re telling a colossal set of lies,
you’re not recording the truth
When you classify without common sense -
your type of lie becomes the proof
of legal process
The little people have been deprived (I wash my hands of you!)
You’re taking away the comfort from their lives (I wash my hands of you!)
The devil’s inside the deals you’ve inspired (I wash my hands of you!)
It’s puny it’s sad but it’s true
So wash my hands of you!
Wash my hands of you!
Wash my hands of you!
Wash my hands of you!
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6. |
Am I Alone
03:35
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I look at people who live in a constant world of hate
I talk to people who think we should get rid of the welfare state
I see people who think that all gay folk should be straight
Is this the path we’re walking on? Or could this be too late
When I look at you I think “what could I do”
I’m not the same as all these people that I have known
I know it can’t be true the things I’ve read, I’ve seen on the TV makes me wonder
Am I alone?
He media tells us that all girls should look like Cheryl Cole
The media yells at us there’s paedo’s all out on parole
The media shouts at us there’s kids on street corners in our towns
Wearing hoodies brandishing knives keeping us prisoner in our homes
People will happily eat all the lies they’re being told
Buying products from advertisers, the tat they’re being sold
The nasty people who run this place becoming oh so bold
Is this the reckoning? From the grip they hold!?
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7. |
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Philosophical people I’ve heard them say
when you do bad things, bad things come your way.
But when the consequences are retrograde
You better make a mends or you’ll be made to pay
You can kid yourself now and keep saying you’re right
But when the reaper comes in the dead of night
It’ll make you retch, but abide the smell –
the Conservatives are gonna burn in Hell!
Now Liz Truss is getting stung by bees,
while Michael Gove’s forced to take his GCSEs,
He’ll eternally fail as the standards are impossible to match
While Truss’s getting neonic pesticides in her…
Jeremy Hunt works for the Hell NHS
He works 7 days and he doesn’t get a rest
His mental condition is “incredibly well”
The Conservatives are gonna burn in Hell!
Go to Hell, Hell, Hell - gonna b-b-b-b-burn
Go to Hell, go to Hell - you’re never gonna learn
Go to Hell, Hell - he-he-he-Hell
The Conservatives are gonna burn in Hell!
Gonna rot in Hell, gonna bu-bu-bu-burn
Never stop, don’t allow – you’re never gonna learn
Go to Hell, Hell – he-he-he-Hell
The Conservatives are gonna burn
(gonna burn) in Hell!
Priti Patel’s forced to smoke ‘til her lungs explode,
while stacking shelves in Hell’s 2nd largest Tesco -
It’s part of her work for benefits scheme;
but Hell’s looking for its source of cheap energy.
Amber Rudd’s being fracked for combustible gas -
it’s a fast-tracked application her department passed
But they’ve opened a fissure near nuclear rods in her ass
The Conservatives are gonna burn in Hell!
Go to Hell, Hell, Hell - gonna b-b-b-b-burn
Go to Hell, go to Hell - you’re never gonna learn
Go to Hell, Hell - he-he-he-Hell
The Conservatives are gonna burn in Hell!
Gonna rot in Hell, gonna b-b-b-burn
Never stop, don’t allow, you’ll never, never learn
Go to Hell, Hell, he-he-he-Hell
The Conservatives are gonna burn
(gonna burn) in Hell!
Alright stop, and listen to me;
Hell might not be as simple as you're saying it could be,
There are many beliefs about what could happen when we die –
it could be none of them are just quite right.
You could reincarnate, you could be a poltergeist,
Death might just be the end, well I wouldn’t be surprised. Maybe Hell was just a fantasy to keep us all in line?
No, you’re wrong, you’re very, very wrong;
And unless you change your ways you’re going down
(going deep down)…
Well Iain Duncan Smith lives in a council flat,
His disability’s been cut off and so have his hands,
They’re being eaten by feral chimney sweeps,
‘cos Hell doesn’t measure child poverty
Next door - Thersa May is being made to pay,
she’s giving birth to George Osbourne in an adult state,
And they’re both in pain because it can’t be done;
When Satan arrives to judge David Cameron.
He says, “David, you’ve been a bad boy,
you’ve done a lot of sins – none of us did enjoy,
And be assured your soul’s gonna surely fry
But the one that’ll repeat for eternal life
No it wasn’t that night with piggy’s head –
Porky didn’t feel a thing he was already dead
But for all eternity you’re gonna be avenged for is…”
...the killing of the badgers,
Loving da badgers - Sweet with da badgers
Take care of the badgers - Appreciate da badgers
Snuffle da badgers - be cool with the badgers
eat with da badgers - poo with da badgers
Loving da badgers and da badgers love you.
Rubbing your nose in de badger poo
Stop killing da badgers!
Go to Hell, Hell, Hell - gonna b-b-b-b-burn
Go to Hell, go to Hell - you’re never gonna learn
Go to Hell, Hell - he-he-he-Hell
The Conservatives are gonna burn in Hell!
They’re killing off the birds, poisoning the bees
Sold off the schools, they love child poverty
Go to Hell, Hell, he-he-he-Hell
The Conservatives are gonna burn
...gonna burn in Hell.
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8. |
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I wish I was straight edge, I wish I was straight edge, I wish I was straight edge!
I’d get loads of tattoos
I’d lose loads of weight
And I’d live a much ‘purer’ life
But I love eating lots of meat
The taste of honey is oh so sweet
Drinking lots of beer makes my troubles go away
And my songs aren’t nearly as FAST
I wish I was straight edge, I wish I was straight edge, I wish I was straight edge!
I don’t do drugs
I give no hippy hugs
And I live with a PMA
Being vegan seems oh so rough
No more booze would be fairy tough
No more caffeine, or meat or cheese would make me want to scream
I’m not straight edge, but I can DREAM!
Positivity, it’s what you can be
It’s a whole way of life
Shave your head, P.M.A for life
X! X! X!
I wish I was straight edge, I wish I was straight edge, I wish I was fucking straight edge!
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9. |
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Throughout history
there’ve been those who’ve conspired
to put to death innocents
on the premise of falsified
witness and testimony
they’ve abused their power.
Dictators, cardinals,
barons, lords of agencies
who keep a grip on their power but who
could be deposed of their arrogance and
actually do some good.
Because seeking evil in others
does not improve yourself
Subjective Reality Doused in holy water
Believing falsely I took the bailiff’s daughter
Repressing new ideas laid upon the altar
Keeping parallel there for all to see
(to tradition)
Protect the orthodoxy Yet I am no sorcerer
Persecuting heresy I really think you oughta
Ennoblement of examine your support for
bigotry proceeds the Subjective Reality
But it’s all in your head
They’re crowning make believe
and doing it legally
Subjective reality -
immune to fact, logic and law
when thirteen judges
could not arrange a fair trail
And it’s still happening today
In countries not too far away
Second class citizenry
And while you seek the devil in others
You do not improve yourself
In celibacy, in women, in lack of rights
wytch trials are consecrated
Subjective Reality Doused in holy water
Believing falsely I took the bailiff’s daughter
Repressing new ideas laid upon the altar
Keeping parallel there for all to see
(to tradition)
Protect the orthodoxy Yet I am no sorcerer
Persecuting heresy I really think you oughta
Ennoblement of examine your support for
bigotry proceeds the Subjective Reality
Doused in holy water
Subjected to torture
Taken to Place Sainte-Croix
there for all to see
‘Forgive them my enemies’
Same mistake, different century
examine your support for
the Subjective Reality
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10. |
Another Leo
04:42
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When the pub opens at 11am
I start thinking about drinking once again
As the music starts on the stereo player
Then I know it’s time
For another Leo Sayer
We’ll start with some tins and Jeff on the box
Then we’ll have a few down at the Fox and Newt
And then we’ll start the 3 pub pub crawl
Then I’ll end up throwing up on a wall
I’m getting loaded, on another lazy afternoon
I’m getting loaded, tomorrow will come too soon
I’m already pretty pissed
So let’s have another drink
Now I’m a lager man, or beer or cheap wine
Most other spirits I’ll have rum, ginger and lime
Or maybe cider it’s sunny after all
Or let’s have all the above this night will be ball!
I’m getting loaded, so we’d better order some food
I’m getting loaded, I want cocktails I’m in the mood
It’s 8 and I’m far gone
So let’s have another drink
Now it’s past midnight and I’ve heard of this place
The fabulous café, where we’ll have the space
To dance like retards they’ll probably play some rage
We can have whisky and coke and leave in a haze
I’m getting loaded, now I need a kebab
I’m getting loaded, please can somebody call me a cab
It’s 3am
So let’s have another drink
Now it’s time to walk the walk of shame
I’ve lost my glasses but I’ve only myself to blame
It’s Sunday morning oh bloody hell my head
I’ve got bits of sick in my beard and last night I wet the bed
We all got loaded, last night went way too far
Yes we all got loaded, we danced a dance on each and every car
What stupid cunts
As I have work tomorrow
So let’s have another drink
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11. |
Uranium Boy
03:06
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Un portero mi bin
y esta no cuarto por racism en el juego
anjuntos, el Humano-Carrera
existir con justice y por mejoramiento
(Spanish translation: A goalkeeper am I,
and there’s no need for racism in the game
together, the Human Race
Exist with justice and for self-improvement)
The co-operative effort that we planned
Is deemed impossible in a practical sense -
And it makes me wonder if we can
make our lives better with these impediments?
With our heads buried in the sand -
can we enrich our lives like Uranium in Iran?
Textbook values – moral decline
You’re happy and you’re ugly when you follow the state-line
Its walls and values – not too late,
the dominant era of the State.
In the short-term we are often sold,
amid timeless omens and organised lying,
and as the striking mine-workers were told:
“You cannot blackmail your government by dying”
Out world has all the power that we need
- if we employ it responsibly.
And it makes me wonder if we can
Empower our lives less indiscriminately?
With our heads buried in the sand -
can we enrich our lives like Uranium in Iran?
Textbook values – moral stalemate
you’re happy and you’re ugly so forget about the decay-rate.
If equal rights applied to you -
your daughters could leave the house and go to school
Concerned but unfazed by minority reports
Processes governed by their natural laws
Cameron in favour - Chiraq too
Pacific’s beset by an unpopular view
But it’s not too late – Osirak formed
Utilize power from renewable source
No not too late – proliferate true
Tehran empowered by an unpopular view
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12. |
Deathwish
03:16
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If you have a death wish there’s a drink for you my friend
It’s called the Deathwish Cocktail and if you drink it - it will send you round the bend
It’s made of seven different shots each more potent than the last
And if you want the recipe then you’d better listen up fast
And if you want to drink one, and live your life to the full
Well that’s just fine with us we like to party but we won’t be held legally responsible.
When you have vodka and tequila and some Blue Curaçao
We’re adding Aftershocks, both red and blue ones, and we’re really getting going now
Goldschlager and Sambuca a teeny tiny bit of lemonade
We’ll mix it up and throw it down and
it will send you to an early grave.
“Whoo-ooo-ooo – mysterious girl - I wanna get close to you!”
I’m catching up with the pub-crawl,
order a Deathwish – it does the trick
It’s sludgy black with white spheres floating in it
with a mean liquorice kick
Within seconds Boddy had been throw out
the female bouncer had had enough
A dirty Subways a poncey wine-bar later
and Heff threw-up on the stairs of the night-bus
And if you want to drink one, and live your life to the full
Well that’s just fine with us we like to party but you’re probably gonna need your stomach pumped.
Do you have a deathwish? ( We have a deathiwsh)
If you have a deathwish - drink a fucking Deathwish.
When you have vodka and tequila and some Blue Curaçao
We’re adding Aftershocks, both red and blue ones, and we’re really getting going now
Goldschlager and Sambuca a teeny tiny bit of lemonade
We’ll mix it up and throw it down and
it will send you to an early grave.
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Speed Dinosaurs England, UK
We formed in 2010, though have known each other since childhood. We play fast skiffle punk on ukulele, double bass and cajon with lots of harmonies. We hope you enjoy our music :)
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